Do Not Fear

Many things I have grappled with during this renewal. Fear has been one. I have faced it regularly. I’m not talking about a crippling or irrational fear. I’m talking about simple everyday fear.

Let start with a reminder that I just spoke about how “Life is what you do!” Well fear often gets in the way and prevents us from doing.

Yesterday I walked 10 miles down a single track road (some of you saw the video of me driving on one of those). I went to a village I had never seen, on a road I’ve never been, without knowing anyone, and in complete solitude. I might mention this simple trip was nothing compared to the challenge of the multiple day wild hikes I’ve undertaken. And on a side note, it’s interesting that my current couch surfing host is a local police officer who shared with me, among many other things, how many people die on that hike from everything imaginable, including the wind blowing people off the ridge while still in their tents. I guess when you think about it, there are a lot of things we might be wise to fear. But should fear prevent us from living, from doing?

When I planned this trip I had a lot of people tell me that they were afraid for me, or that they would be to afraid to venture out on a trip like this. And the truth is, it’s not that I didn’t have fears, but it is that I chose to let God lead and not let fears confine. I knew the silence, solitude, and simplicity of seclusion and spiritual stimulation was what I needed. So let me talk about some of my fears.

When I first learned about the Lily Grant I thought why apply? There are too many other applicants who are more deserving and have a better chance. I was afraid I would be rejected and all efforts and time spent would have been pointless.

I was afraid of the planning and preparation, afraid of the barriers and objections, afraid of the potential impact of my absence at church. I was afraid of the challenge of communication and committees, the needed approval from three church communities and from the Bishop and Cabinet of the IAUMC. (Now I know how supportive our current Bishop is of this kind of renewal)

As the time got closer and I was informed I had received the grant and I was filled with excitement but I was also hit with a whole new wave of fear. I realized I was afraid of the very renewal God placed as a need upon my heart. (God knows what we need even when it is something we fear or totally opposed to our personality)

I found fear at the thought of being completely alone for months, fear of not knowing how I was getting from place to place, fear of not knowing where I was sleeping or who I would meet, fear of silence, fear of the noise in my own head, fear of looking myself in a mirror (metaphorically or literally at this point) I have had fear as I’ve started hikes without water or feeling totally exhausted by the second hill climb and looking back over my shoulder wondering if I should just turn back. I debated if a hike around the Quiraing would be easier than scrambling up the loose rock slopes to find the Table hidden within. I have been fearful of asking for a ride or asking to sleep on a couch. Some of the simplest and easiest things have caused a slight measure of fear, never enough to confine me from action, but just enough that I am aware of its weight.

Not that I am done yet, I still have over a month of unknown in front of me, but I can say I’ve come through enough fear to look back and know what I would have missed.

If I had not applied…

If I had written up a less challenging renewal…

If I had turned back on the road…

If I had not asked for a ride…

If I had not spoken to so many new friends…

If I had…

The list of things that fear can change is endless in life. But as I walked and processed on a basic level yesterday I came to the conclusion that although nothing can completely remove fear (it is an important part of helping us make wise decisions), faith can empower us to wade through our fears. Trusting that God is with us in the journey leads us to a place of true living and doing that is far beyond subsisting behind the confines of fear.

The residual thoughts yesterday were that in this time God has been my constant companion and my spiritual guide. Even in fear of the unknown I have never been alone. I realized that all of the pictures I’ve been posting on FB are pictures and experiences I would not have had if I had let fear stop me at any point along the way. Here is a couple from a slow day of contemplation.

A rail bridge crossing

Yes I ate lunch along the way

The entrance to an open air church near Plockton

The pews. I would love to have a service here.

A close look how a strong anchor of faith can get us through any storm or fear.

This slower speed, this silence, the solitude has allowed me to live differently to face fears and have faith that God is on the journey with me. This renewal has allowed me to BE a whole new creation each and every day. It’s not like this is a new thing, but I have had time to see it all clearly.

Let me challenge each of us for a moment:

What has God placed before you that you are fearful of? What is that unknown that you are hesitant to take that first step of faith? What are the things that you have missed because you were afraid to take the risk? What does God want to accomplish through you if you will but trust God’s leading?

Let me affirm a couple things personally at this point. I know God has called me to plant a church, to rejuvenate a church and to deeply inspire faith and develop spiritual leaders. I will also confess this has been a wonderful and amazing path but also challenging and heart-rending at times. There are times I can doubt myself and doubt God’s voice. I can fear what I believe God is laying before me and I can shrink back, or pray for faith to move forward.

I am guessing each one of us encounter this reality of fear on a regular basis, fears of all sizes and deciding if or how to proceed in faith.

My final contemplation prayer yesterday, and my challenge for you is this.

“Lord place before me a fear each day that I may see it as an opportunity to live by faith. Grant me the courage to step through that fear and may the corresponding experience bring blessing and honor to your name.”

If Life is what you do, don’t let fear prevent you from living the life of faith God has put before you.

Isaiah 43, “Do not fear, I am with you.”

It’s kind of a recurring Biblical theme.

Lunar Spirituality

We have grown up in a society of light, colors, and beauty. Our society has tried to teach us to turn a blind eye to people in the dark recesses of life.

The fairy tales we tell our children are softened, sanitized versions of the classic tales told by Hans Christian Anderson and the Brothers Grimm, the teachable, dark themes polished to a safe, palatable sparkle.

Our religious communities have taught us that a true faith is one that never doubts, never struggles, never hurts, never fails, and never walks in the dark.. We portray that faith must be solar, always bright, and never overcast or dark. I have even heard people say, if you have doubt, then you cannot really believe. But I guess that is where I differ. I believe that faith goes through phases like the moon. There are nights it is full and our faith reflects the glory of God. And there are nights when life seems overcast, and the moon is waxing where everything seems to be fading away and dim. And there are nights when the moon is new and totally dark. On those nights the only light that is left is that of distant stars glimmering though the cloud cover. The light of our faith never disappears completely, but for most people there are times when it more compares to a lunar faith than a solar one.

Paul and Silas on their missionary journeys knew of a faith that was woven with darkness. They experienced days of rejection, house arrest, imprisonment, and persecution. One such incident found them in jail, singing at midnight.. Somehow they were able to be filled with joy even during a difficult time. Their faith was not extinguished in the dark, but tempered by their circumstance.

I wonder,

• If we trust the rhythm of dark and light, what can we learn from it?
• If we accept the phase of the moon in our spiritual life, can we find joy when things are darkest?

In the same way that the fairy tales of yesterday engaged the dark realities of life, what happens if we embrace the night sky of our faith. I wonder, does looking into the the lunar phases of belief and doubt, struggle and pain, give us rest? Is it possible by accepting the phases of faith, that we are able to experience peace rather than fear in the dark?